Is this thing still on?

An article was published on nbcnews.com this week saying that blogs are making a comeback.  I don't know if that's true because the article was behind a paywall, but I'm here for it.  

Let's recap.  I'm Meredith.  I ran my first marathon in 2001 at the age of 23.  I ran my last marathon in 2019.  And since 2019 I haven't done much of anything except lose my mind.  Seriously.  Let's just jump right into it.

I recently left my job to heal my failing mental health.  I haven't been well in about a year and a half and everything fell apart this summer when I had a bad reaction to one of my meds and had to come off all my meds cold turkey.  I then received a new diagnosis and thankfully I have been responding well to new meds.  So what does this have to do with running?  I can't get through a run without a panic attack.  I can barely get out the door for a workout without severe anxiety.  I am frozen in fear.

Last Sunday I toed the line for a 10 mile race.  This was a race I signed up for just a few days before because I had a good 6 miler on the treadmill the previous weekend.  I had a terrible 3+ mile run on Friday and completely panicked throughout Saturday about the race.  I barely slept four hours the night before trying to think of ways to get out of the race.  Regardless I still got up, got ready, and went to the race.  But as soon as the race started I panicked.  The first mile lies.  It always does.  I was believing the lies.  Nearly a half mile in I sent the husband a text saying I couldn't do it.  He replied how he always does, "settle in".  I never did settle in.  I panicked the whole way through.  I never got into a groove.  I walked and walked and walked.  I was so embarrassed - mortified that this is the runner I am now.  I finished the race, got my medal, picked up some food, and cried all the way back to my car.  

I wish that were the end of it.  Every day this week I've struggled - not only to start the run but to get through the run without having a panic attack.  Tuesday I did a 3 mile run where, like every run in the past year, started with THE text to my husband.  Then I freaked out about the pace, or lack thereof.  Next I panicked at the turnaround knowing I was only half way done.  There was one more freak out in the tiniest hill you've ever seen when I thought I was going to die.  Thursday I went straight from seeing my psychiatrist to a local park where again I started with the panic text, and continued to freak out for the 1.85 files it took to complete the first loop.  I stopped and came home.  Later I went to the gym where I got on the air runner (yuck) where I tried the run again.  I started with a 5 minute walk to calm myself, then did 9:30 to a 30 second walk, panicked at 24 minutes, walked for a half mile, and somehow got my shit together to run a mile and a quarter straight without stopping.  Finally, this morning I had a long run on the schedule.  In my head, I know I just completed 10 miles and this would be over 20 minutes shorter so what's the big deal?  The boy, who is now a teenager, had 5 friends spend the night which had me all worked up all day and night.  Middle school might be the death of me; I worry about the kid all the time.  And in addition to that we were dog sitting for a dog that is so old and fragile it could die at any minute.  So, this run isn't going to happen.  I've been sick to my stomach all day and so, so tired.

My dad says, "just run" and once upon a time I would have said and could have done the same thing.  Now, I don't know.  In my head I still like to run; I still want to run; I know there is still potential.  In reality, I'm stuck in hell.

Let Me (Re)Introduce Myself

Confession.  It's been 5 years since I've lined up for a race. 

Hi, I'm Meredith.  I started this blog about a million years ago as a way to document my running and racing adventures.  And there were lots of adventures.  I've run 23 marathons, including Boston five times.  I've done lots of triathlons, including four 70.3s.  I tried and painfully failed at the full iron distance.  I've dipped my toes into ultras completing a 50K, 60K, and 50 miler.  And I've had some fun with friends traveling the country for races.

2019 was the last time I toed a line, though.  The pandemic has thrown me into a vortex I seem to be stuck in.  At first things were adventurous.  I ran a personal 5K, 10K, and half marathon in one month.  I ran every road in my hometown.  I chased after Strava segments.  Eventually I grew tired, stopped racing, started eating and drinking myself to a 40+ pound weight gain.  There have been a few highlights.  I joined Orange Theory for a year.  It was fun but I didn't feel like I was getting fit.  And last summer I joined a weight lifting program that I absolutely love and still do.  

On my 46th birthday this year, I felt like time was starting to run short.  In my head, I feel like I have three goals left to accomplish - beating my dad's PR in the marathon (3:21:21), finishing the freakin' Ironman, and running a 100 miler.  My friend Amanda agreed to take on my head case and help coach me.  We've decided to have some fun in the next year on the way to accomplishing a 100 miler.

So, I guess I'm going to restart the blog.  I'm too old to use TikTok, I have an iPhone so out of date I'm surprised it still gets updates, and I don't know how to make a Reel, so the blog it has to be.  I'll be updating on my training, my adventures, my weight lifting, my mental health, and generally whatever.  Welcome back and I hope you come along for the ride!

And then I got injured

My left hip started to hurt three days before the Columbus 10K.  I thought maybe it was because I was doing a track workout - quick stuff, lots of circles - the pain persisted and hurt with every step of that race.  After that race I was in a world of pain.  I could barely walk and the pain was very reminiscent of when I got the stress fracture two years ago.

I called the doctor the very next day.  I've got big plans and big goals this year and if I'm injured, let's get on with it.  The doctor, of course, thought it was another stress fracture.  Awesome.  I had some x-rays that showed nothing, was told no more running for a while (double awesome) and was scheduled for an MRI.

A few days later I had the MRI and a few days after that I was back in the doctor's office.  No stress fracture.  Say what?  I could go back to working out as long as it didn't hurt.  Honey, everything hurts but if it's not fractured, I'll keep working out in some way.  I did a lot of swimming and a lot of water jogging.  I tried one run.  I made it nine minutes and had to turn around and walk/limp home. 

I sent a message to the doctor.  She wanted to do more evaluations including another MRI, this time with contrast - an injection right into the hip joint.

Last week I had the arthrogram MRI done at the local hospital.  It was painful, it took forever, and I don't ever want to do it again.  I can't believe I've now had two of them for my hips!  I got the results the next day.  I have a labrum tear on the left side (both my hips are gonna fall apart!) and tendonitis where the hamstring connects to the sit bone.  I exchanged about one billion emails with the doctor - why is there pain in my outer hip and my groin when the tendonitis was in the hamstring/sit bone?  She wants to do physical therapy.  I want better answers.  She said I could workout as long as it didn't hurt.

I, of course, signed up for a race a few days later...

Columbus 10K 2017

Last year was the first time I ran the Columbus 10K.  It was super fast and super competitive, and I knew I wanted to add it to the schedule again this year.  Three days before the race I started to have a little niggle in my hip (more on that another day) and frankly, I just haven't been feeling in all that great of shape, so I didn't expect a whole lot from this race.

We got down there in good time, but there was still a line for the three port-a-johns already a block long.  I decided to take my warm up run to the other side of Columbus to where I knew there was a public bathroom.  It was hot and humid and I was feeling like this race was going to suck.  I barely got back in time to get in line for the start.

I decided I just wanted to go hard and not worry about my splits, so I put a sticker over my watch.  In hindsight, this was a bad idea as my first mile was the fastest of the day and although I thought I was holding back, I wasn't.  I was suffering right from the beginning.  I wasn't getting passed by many people but I was getting passed and I was falling further and further behind.  I was struggling to keep my head in the game.  Six miles felt like they took forever. 

I have no idea what my final time was, but it was a solid 1:20 slower than last year.  I have no excuses but it is frustrating that I feel less in shape than last year when I have bigger goals this year.

Regardless, I still placed in my age group.  Last year I was fifth with quite a respectable time and this year with a slower time I finished third and walked away with a camp mug. 

WORST.BLOGGER.EVER!!

Worst.Blogger.EVER!!!

I said I was going to be consistent last month and whatnot and I wrote one freakin' time?  Can I do better in July? 

Here's what's coming up.

• I got hurt
• I ran a race
• I got more hurt
• I had a whole bunch of MRIs and X-rays done
• I did another race
• I'm still hurt

Chew on that.  I'll be back tomorrow.
 

I'm Back!

Life has been busy.  That's an understatement.  Training and work and parenting and wife-ing and I'm enrolled in some online classes and my handicap dog and LIFE!  This blog has taken a hit.  I don't even know if people still blog or if anyone cares.  But, I'm gonna try to give it a few weeks of concentration and see if the magic is still there or if anyone still cares and then who knows?!

The best thing happened to me today.  I went my favorite local running store to pick up my race packet for this weekend (oh yeah, I'm racing!).  I gave them my last name and the clerk said, "Samantha?"  Nope, dude.  I'm Meredith.  He was shocked by that because Samantha was 28 and I'm 11 years older than that.  Still looking hot!

Do What You Need to Do

Day 1

It's 5-1/2 months until aquathlon nationals and I'm ready to commit.  I started the day off strong with a run test.  It's been since December since I had a run test and then I was coming off a terrible cold and was just beginning my marathon training.  This time I am coming off of the marathon and starting to feel like myself again.

The test is 3000m on the track as hard as you can go.  I started out fast, probably too fast, but I was doing what I could to hang out.  Several time I had to sort it out in my head.  My brain struggles on the track.  I would do much better if the run test was a race.  I clocked in my first "mile" (the garmin never matches up to the track) at a 6:14.  Holy pajamas!  I haven't run that fast in years!  I pushed and pushed and came away with a 12:41, which is like a 6:49 pace (although my watch read 1.99 miles for 6:22 pace).  This was a 45 second improvement over the last run test I did.  Hopefully this translates into some speedy races this spring/summer.

So now I have a baseline for a little while, which includes new heart rate zones and paces.  Most of my workouts have one or the other so lots of updates to come soon as to if I can hit these new zones/paces.