And then I got injured

My left hip started to hurt three days before the Columbus 10K.  I thought maybe it was because I was doing a track workout - quick stuff, lots of circles - the pain persisted and hurt with every step of that race.  After that race I was in a world of pain.  I could barely walk and the pain was very reminiscent of when I got the stress fracture two years ago.

I called the doctor the very next day.  I've got big plans and big goals this year and if I'm injured, let's get on with it.  The doctor, of course, thought it was another stress fracture.  Awesome.  I had some x-rays that showed nothing, was told no more running for a while (double awesome) and was scheduled for an MRI.

A few days later I had the MRI and a few days after that I was back in the doctor's office.  No stress fracture.  Say what?  I could go back to working out as long as it didn't hurt.  Honey, everything hurts but if it's not fractured, I'll keep working out in some way.  I did a lot of swimming and a lot of water jogging.  I tried one run.  I made it nine minutes and had to turn around and walk/limp home. 

I sent a message to the doctor.  She wanted to do more evaluations including another MRI, this time with contrast - an injection right into the hip joint.

Last week I had the arthrogram MRI done at the local hospital.  It was painful, it took forever, and I don't ever want to do it again.  I can't believe I've now had two of them for my hips!  I got the results the next day.  I have a labrum tear on the left side (both my hips are gonna fall apart!) and tendonitis where the hamstring connects to the sit bone.  I exchanged about one billion emails with the doctor - why is there pain in my outer hip and my groin when the tendonitis was in the hamstring/sit bone?  She wants to do physical therapy.  I want better answers.  She said I could workout as long as it didn't hurt.

I, of course, signed up for a race a few days later...

WORST.BLOGGER.EVER!!

Worst.Blogger.EVER!!!

I said I was going to be consistent last month and whatnot and I wrote one freakin' time?  Can I do better in July? 

Here's what's coming up.

• I got hurt
• I ran a race
• I got more hurt
• I had a whole bunch of MRIs and X-rays done
• I did another race
• I'm still hurt

Chew on that.  I'll be back tomorrow.
 

I'm Back!

Life has been busy.  That's an understatement.  Training and work and parenting and wife-ing and I'm enrolled in some online classes and my handicap dog and LIFE!  This blog has taken a hit.  I don't even know if people still blog or if anyone cares.  But, I'm gonna try to give it a few weeks of concentration and see if the magic is still there or if anyone still cares and then who knows?!

The best thing happened to me today.  I went my favorite local running store to pick up my race packet for this weekend (oh yeah, I'm racing!).  I gave them my last name and the clerk said, "Samantha?"  Nope, dude.  I'm Meredith.  He was shocked by that because Samantha was 28 and I'm 11 years older than that.  Still looking hot!

Oh, what a night!!!

We took a family vacation next week (pictures to come!!) and arrived home very late Sunday night/Monday morning.  Our flight got home after midnight, which after getting out of the plane, getting our luggage, riding the shuttle to our car, and driving home, we got home around 1:00am.

Because our dog now has special needs, we needed to hire a pet sitter to come to our house several times a day and empty her bladder, etc. instead of just kenneling her like we normally do.  The company was very thorough and even took out the trash, checked our mail, brought in the newspaper, and whatnot.  When we got home we tried to get inside and the back doors were locked, something that is not normally done as we don't have keys to those doors.  Our garage is locked and it is connected to the back doors so there you go.  Anyway, I told Dave, hey, just go unlock the front door?!  As he walked out of the garage he quickly came back - the pet sitter had his key and my key was hanging in the kitchen.  Awesome.  My parents have a spare key.  I called them and of course, it was on their key ring and it was in Florida.  So, we spent the night (can we really call it a night if we only slept 3 hours??) at my parents' house.  I finally fell asleep sometime after 2:00 and woke up several times throughout the night. 

The alarm went off bright and early at 6:30 as we had to hurry to Anderson's 4 year old well check at 7:30.  We were wearing the same clothes as yesterday and at least I felt, icky.  The doctor went well, we dropped Anderson off at preschool, and Dave and I drove clear across town to get the key from the dog sitter.  We finally got into our house just before 10am Monday, 9 hours after we got in from vacation.

We opened the door and OMG!  The house smelled like we had 17 dogs.  They did do a good job, but being that our dog now pees on pads instead of outside, I would have liked to have seen them empty the trash or put the pee pads in the outdoor trash can.  We emptied the trash and mopped the floor, and I sprayed air freshener all over the place.  Sloopy also got a bath and now it smells much better.

With only a few hours of sleep, we got showers and went off to work. 

But wait, there's more!!!

I am a very punctual person.  Being on time is being late; being early is being on time!!!  Having a toddler means we get to places barely in time no matter how much time we allow.  So when we left for Florida we were running later than we wanted to be, which meant when our gas light came on in the car we just continued to drive to the airport.  When we returned a week later we sort of forgot we had no gas in the car.  At 1:00am we didn't exactly want to stop for gas, but were nervous about the gauge being correct and time constraints in the morning, etc., that we decided to stop by the gas station a mere spitting distance from our house.  We were one of three cars - a car parked at the store portion of the gas station with a gentleman outside smoking on the hood and a police car with the officer inside the store. While Dave was pumping gas, the officer came out talking on his walkie and taking his goods to his car.  He put the bags inside the door and then went back into the store, entering from the far left door.  As he went in, a woman scurried out of the right-hand door.  She had a small coat wrapped around her and it sort of looked like she was stealing something.  The cop stopped her and made it her come back in the store.  That's when it got interesting.  See, she was wearing thigh-high stockings and high heels and when she turned around we noticed she was wearing nothing else.  NOTHING!  I got to see a "full moon", if you will.  Now I don't know if she was "working" or if she was just up to no good but I really don't like seeing that near my neighborhood nor do I like having to explain to my son that, "maybe she wasn't wearing pants because she had an accident."

Back with some vacation pictures hopefully this week.

Lent

I'm not Catholic.  Nor am I overly religious.  But, I feel like this Lenten season is a good time to get my act together and focus.  And yep, I'm talking about my running.

Before I went back to work I had my act together.  I was doing all my workouts; I was hitting goals; and I was following my nutrition.  After I went back to work, I got tired, lazy, and fell off the wagon.  With two and a half weeks until my marathon and with Lent starting this is a great time to jump back on that wagon.

So, I've committed myself to following that nutrition plan again.  It's gonna help me sleep better, which will help with my patience and desire to work out.  And hopefully it will help me lose a little weight and oh yeah, maybe turn out some good running performances. 

I'm a day and a half in with a gazillion to go and I'm doing alright.  I'm a little sugar and sweets deprived which has made me hangry, but I can get through this.  I CAN EFFING GET THROUGH THIS!!!

What did you do for Lent?  Or did you do anything for Lent?  Or what did you start fresh in March?

Sloopy Update #2

It's been four weeks since our dog Sloopy's emergency surgery to fix the herniated disk in her back.  Unfortunately, we don't have any good news to report.  We met with the vet yesterday for a follow up and our poor doggy has still not regained deep pain sensation in her hind quarters.  What this means is that she is very unlikely to ever regain it.  We now have a permanently paralyzed dog.  

Personally, I am struggling with processing all of it.  I am totally okay with putting my dog in a wheelchair.  She will adapt, she will be able to get around again, we'll build little ramps around the house, and she will return to the (somewhat) active dog she was.  But, it's everything else that goes along with this that I'm struggling with.  Let's talk about the obvious.  She has no ability to go to the bathroom on her own.  We have to express (squeeze) her bladder to get her to pee.  She will have a bowel movement on her own but it happens whenever it happens which usually in the middle of the night or during the day while we're at work.  She now stays in her crate during those times which makes for an easy clean up, I guess, but I literally wash her blankets every.single.day.  Supposedly you can put a handicapped dog on a schedule but we haven't figured it out yet.  We also need to worry about things like bladder infections and bed sores.  Plus, we travel A LOT.  Our usual kennel does not take care of special needs dogs.  I'm not even sure if this is an option.  And if we do find someplace/someone, what the heck is that going to cost?  And we have to get her measured for a personalized wheelchair.  Holy hell!  This is costing us a fortune and has really changed our way of life.

But can I bring myself to put her down or take her to a shelter or adopt her out.  I love this dog.  She was my first baby and for Dave, it is his first pet ever.  She's the same dog; she doesn't have use of her back legs.  

For now we're taking it a little bit at a time.  We are scheduling her for a therapy appointment where she will be evaluated further and then measured for a wheelchair.  We borrowed a wheelchair from someone at Dave's office that doesn't quite fit her but we've been using to help train her.  We will do research on getting her on a bathroom schedule.  And we will have to look and ask around for pet sitting options as we're traveling a couple times in March. 

If you have any good advice, please help a sister out!  Keep our little doggy (and our family) in your thoughts and prayers.  It's been a difficult road.

Pilates on Steroids!!!

I've been going to pilates on the reformer now for a couple of months.  I really love it.  I see it making a difference both mentally and physically. But, my favorite instructor took another job at another studio (and I have no idea where she went) and the new instructor at the Y, well, I don't particularly like her style.

So I took a break.  I didn't do it for a few weeks.  I missed it so I wanted to try to find something else, something similar.  Most studios are STUPID expensive, but there was a first time fee for a local place call Butcher Shop Fitness.  As my mom says, only a masochist would go to a place called Butcher Shop, but I've got to tell you, I loved it.  It was like pilates on steroids.

Meet the Megaformer.  Pictured: not me.

The megaformer is about twice the size of the reformer and has more pulleys and has a front and a back and has about a zillion different weight settings (springs).  The workout itself is called Legree Fitness, which is like some dude that made up his own version of pilates.  The workout was intense.  I shook and sweated and felt like I had zero fitness.  But it was awesome.  I went back a second time. And now I have to find a way to afford to get a monthly pass or something so I can go all.the.time.

Have you tried Legree Fitness before?  Have you seen the scary megaformer?  Would you go to a workout facility called Butcher Shop Fitness?  :) 

Life Update

It's winter.  It's dark outside.  I'm working all day and surviving the evenings.  And I'm running lots of miles.  There's really not a whole lot to say.  But I swear there's a few of you reading this that would probably like an update. 

Let's start with the dog since I left you hanging last week.

Sloopy
We brought Sloopy home from the hospital one week ago today.  The first two days were rough.  We cried a lot.  We didn't sleep much.  I worried we had made the right choice in doing the surgery.  I worry about her quality of life.  I worry about our quality of life.  But after several days we have settled in and seen improvements that give us hope.  Honestly, the bathroom thing is not that bad.  She's easy to squeeze the pee out of her (most of the time) and when she has to go #2, she does.  She doesn't leak and I've only been peed on twice.  It's kind of like having a baby all over again, except I can put the dog in her crate and she will sleep all night.  The first couple of days were rough in getting her to eat and especially with taking her medicine.  Now she eats her own food and we're down to one medicine a day which she easily eats with a chunk of cooked chicken.  She still has no use of her back legs but we have seen improvement.  She now wags her tail, which, from what we read, is voluntary and a good sign that signals are moving down her spinal cord.  She also stiffens her legs when picked up and can hold herself up for a blink because she's still not stable.  She has started licking in hindquarters which may mean that she has regained some feeling and is trying to get the pins and needles she's feeling.  We have even seen her move her legs a few times.  She does not respond to pain, however, she doesn't respond to pain even on places she can feel.  She's never been a dog that yelps when she gets hurt.  Her staples come out next week and we have a follow-up in a few weeks.  From what we have learned and read, this is a VERY long process.  We are trying to be patient and still holding out hope that we have made the right decision.

Running
My marathon is coming up fast.  It's only about 6 weeks away.  My training has been okay, at best.  I was on a roll until I got sick the entire month of December and then I basically had to start over again.  Two weeks ago I did an 18 miler that felt like death.  When I got home I had to have Dave take off my shoes and pants and help me into the bathtub.  This past weekend, though, I did a 20 miler that was great.  I hit all the paces and it didn't seem so bad.  I wasn't that sore and have been able to return to working out quickly.  This week is another big week of training ~45 miles for the week, and I will conclude with yet another 20 miler.  I, finally, get to race next week and am hoping for something good.

Back to Work
I've now been back to work two months and things are starting to fall into place.  Those first couple of weeks were really rough.  Anderson and I both battled some serious illness.  We both had sinus infections.  We both had pink eye.  We had a cough that wouldn't quit.  We both visited the doctor twice.  And then one day we were better.  Now every time I see a kid with snot all over his face at daycare I get nervous, but Anderson has been in preschool and child watch programs for years so hopefully we are over the initial sickness shock to our system.

Just a few weeks after I started at my job they informed us that we were moving offices to a different suburb.  I was PISSED!  I specifically chose this job over a different, probably, better option because it was walking distance from my house and I could keep the little one in his preschool.  I was so upset that I even thought about calling the other company and seeing if I could continue with the interviews.  But, I have decided to stay put.  Yes, I will have to pull Anderson out of his preschool and put him in his daycare all day (which is one of the best preschools around, but not a Christian preschool like he is currently in) and yes, I will have to drive to my job now, but I have to give this a chance.  It's good for me to get back in the game, refine my skills, and then decide what I will do in a few years once Anderson starts school.

In addition to the full-time job, I have continued to fill in time-to-time at the Y.  It's kind of a pain in the butt, but I like it there, I'm comfortable there, I adore my manager there, and I also get to keep my reduced family membership.  I have no plans on leaving and they have no plans on getting rid of me, so I'm sticking with it.

God's Watching Over Us
Probably the most stressful thing for the last several years has been finances.  It's hard to be on one income and my part-time job paid for nothing.  We thought me returning to work would allow us to live a little more comfortably and be able to do the things we wanted to do.  But our dog getting sick really threw us for a loop.  I have been scared out of my mind.  Would I be able to do my marathon in March (it's out of town)?  Would our vacations we planned this year be put on hold?  Should we cut back on some of our expenses like TV, etc. (things you don't need but would struggle to live without)?  But God's been watching over us.  We did our taxes which is going to help out tremendously.  And Dave got bumped from a flight this week that gave us big money in airline vouchers.  So this month is still going to be a challenge as we pay off our credit card debt but barring any other craziness, life should return to normal soon.

- - - - - - - - - - -

So that's what new.  Life has been busy.  Life has been uncomfortable.  We're managing.  We're going to get through all of this and see the sunlight again.  And I swear I will revive this blog with rainbows and puppies sometime soon.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Weekend

I was planning on an easy weekend.  I didn't have to work at the Y; I had easy training; and the goal was to work on our bathroom remodel.  Unfortunately, the weekend didn't go that way.

Friday afternoon was hectic.  Anderson was tired, I was tired, and we were not getting along.  There was a lot of yelling on both sides.  Our dog, Sloopy, is a very nervous dog.  With loud noises, especially yelling, she begins to shake and pants and wheeze.  I noticed she was doing this Friday but didn't think anything of it.  We snuggled her and babied her and went to bed as normal.

Saturday she continued to wheeze, which seemed odd.  In addition, she wasn't really going anywhere.  Usually she is my shadow and follows me everywhere.  She just stood in one place and when she did move she was limping.  Her back legs weren't working right.  She looked like she was drunk.  I was very concerned.  We decided to take her to the emergency veterinarian.

They evaluated her there and the news was not good.  She had a herniated disk in her back which would require surgery and shouldn't be a big deal, EXCEPT, our dog has a heart murmur and she would need to be seen by a cardiologist to determine if her heart was even strong enough to make it through surgery.  Sloopy is only 7 years old and a member of our family so we had to give her a chance so we agreed to go forward with all of this.  We had to leave a $4400 deposit up front. 

The cardiologist evaluated her on Saturday evening and said her heart looked better than they thought so they approved her for surgery.

Sunday morning, the phone rang at 7:55am and it was the vet hospital.  Sloopy had gotten worse overnight.  She now no longer had function of her back legs.  The possibility of recovery had dropped significantly.  She needed surgery right away and even then may never be able to walk again or go to the bathroom by herself.  Again, we agreed to have the surgery done.  They did more test on her and did the surgery.  We did not hear back again for nearly seven hours.

The update we got after the surgery is that she had a very bad herniation and because of the force of the hernia, her spinal cord had been badly bruised.  They told us not to come that day, that she needed to rest and recover.  A tech called us later in the night to let us know she was alert and responding and even told us she had moved her back legs.

This morning, though, the doctor called us to report there was no news.  Sloopy was alert and happy and sitting up, however, she has not yet moved her back legs (unlike what the tech had told us) and she has not responded to any pain stimulus.  The doctor said that's right where she should be, that only time will tell if she gets function of her legs back again.  We get to see her today after work.  Oh, and the financial people are probably gonna tell us we need to spend another $2000.  (Guess, we'll be putting that camper up for sale!)

This has been extremely rough.  Dave and I have cried all weekend.  Our dog is not that old!  We want her to come home with us and be the dog she was before.  But we also have to make tough choices about what happens if she never regains mobility.  And on top of all that is how all of this is explained to our son.  He has been with us through all of this and we've been very delicate in our wording to help him understand what's going on without scaring him.  I wish this didn't happen.  I wish this nightmare would be over.  I want my Sloopy girl to come home.

How to Wash Your Running Clothes

After much trial and error I have finally figured out how to wash my running clothes and get the stink out of them.  Silly, I know, but they get stinky and good running clothes are expensive so you've got to make them last.  I have tried every detergent known to man, including those fancy ones for workout clothes (made me break out), but finally Google gave me the answer.

First I soak the clothes in cold water with some cleaning vinegar.  I usually do this for about 30 minutes unless I forget about setting a timer and forget I'm doing laundry (pretty typical) and then they may be in there for who knows how long.  Then, after draining the washing machine, I wash them in warm water using Arm & Hammer baking soda detergent.  Although the embedded yucky smell may not come fully out it's sooooo much better than it was. 

And because a blog post without pictures is just plain boring I give you this...

My kid is sick for the third time in 7 weeks.  Again!  Daycare is kicking our ass.  We just cannot keep him (or us) healthy.

The magic circle, aka, the circle of death!

I have a new passion.  Pilates.  I have tried yoga in all different variations, but don't love it.  But I am in love with pilates.  Even better, I have discovered pilates on the reformer. 

Sex toy? Exercise equipment? Torture device?

Our YMCA has a boutique location that has small, specialized classes that include pilates on the reformer.  I have been going now for three or four weeks and the class size has been just me or one other person.  I love it.  I love the personal attention.  I know I am doing it correctly and she has been tailoring the workouts to what I need as a runner.  For example, last night.


I have mentioned to my instructor that I don't have a lot of hip strength and I would love to get my inner thighs tiny enough again to wear booty shorts while running.  She listened.  Last night we worked on inner and outer thighs as well as hip strength the whole.damn.class!  It started with the magic circle, aka, the circle of death.

Circle of Death!

This magic circle is used in all kinds of torturous ways.  Usually we put it between our ankles or our knees and squeeze it while we're doing all kinds of core exercises.  Last night we used this almost the entire class.  We also put our legs through it and used it to strengthen the outer thigh by pushing out with it while doing some other exercise.  Oh, and she wasn't done there.  We also stood on the reformer and the carriage and slid one leg out sideways with the springs on to strengthen the inner and outer thigh and hips.  It was so hard and yet so awesome.  I came out of the class with jello legs but feeling strong and ready to tackle the world.


Booty shorts!!!

2017 Plans

Yeah, yeah.  It's the 10th of January and I'm just now blogging about my 2017 plans.  I've got some goals, some big goals, but I'm going to keep those private for now.  I'll let you know if I achieve them.

So, here are my plans athletically.

• A couple of half marathons.  I was thinking one next month, but I'm frozen to the bone.  Winter running is stupid.  I'll keep thinking.
• Early spring marathon.  I would really like to qualify for Boston again.  In 2018 it falls on my 40th birthday and I thought it would be a fun way to celebrate such a big milestone (who the hell would say that running a marathon for their birthday is fun?!?!)  I have yet to sign up for the marathon, but I'm planning on the Shamrock Marathon in Virginia Beach on March 19th.  I haven't done a race yet in Virginia so this also checks that off.
• Aquathlons, aquathlons, aquathlons!  Surprisingly there are three or four aquathlons in Ohio that are eligible towards USAT ranking points.  I'm going to do as many as I can to help my ranking and to give me experience towards....Aquathlon Nationals.  I've got some BIG BIG goals for this race.  Nationals will be October 1st in Austin.
• Also some fun stuff like run 2000 miles (that'll never happen but I'll at least try for it), swim 200K yards, do pilates once a week, stop skipping strength workouts, continue to eat healthy foods, etc.

Let's talk about personal stuff.  I love the new year.  I love new goals and resolutions and all that jazz.  Here are some thoughts I have personally.

• Read more than 12 books.  I know this is the same goal every year, but my Kindle is awesome and I read much faster with it.  Now if I could just get the ebooks faster from the library.
• Take more pictures.  I swear this is a goal I set every year for myself.  I was making a Shutterfly calendar this week and struggled to find enough pictures from last year to put it together.  Unfortunately, the memory is full on my phone right now and my laptop is on it's last breath and I really can't afford a new one so I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish this.
• Be more present.  Honestly, I am still really struggling with having put my kid in daycare to go back to work.  It's been 6 weeks now and he still cried and throws a fit every time we go (although he does the same at the end of the day because he doesn't want to leave).  When we come home I want to pay attention to him.  I don't want to be on the treadmill leaving him to play by himself.  I don't want to be on my phone reading Facebook.  I want it to be family time.  Truly, this has been hard.  Aren't we all addicted to our phones and Facebook and Instagram (and for me, the TV)?  As the weather gets warmer and the days get longer I think family time is going to become even more special.

I thought 2016 was a great year.  2017 is going to be even better.  I'm back to work.  I've got money again.  I can make improvements to the house.  I can camp with the family now.  The kiddo is a fantastic age - he's so fun.  I'm really looking forward to what lies ahead.

What are your thoughts on 2017?

Athlete of the Month

I totally forgot to write about this earlier this month.  My coach named me "Athlete of the Month" for her Multisport Mastery program.  She gave me this honor not because of some achievement I had received, but because I have been embracing the whole picture and working towards bigger dreams.  She sent me a series of questions to answer and ask me for some pictures and VOILA! 

Check it out here!  Thanks Liz for thinking of me, pushing me, and being the best coach I could hope for.

Books Read in 2016

Last year for Christmas I got a Kindle and I made good use of it this year.  I didn't read as many books as last year, but I still managed about one book per month.  I can't say that any of the books stood out to me as overly awesome but most of them were entertaining and pretty easy reads.  Here is my list:

"The Martian" by Andy Weir
"The Do Over" by Karlyn Pipes
"The Boys in the Boat" by Daniel Brown
"Running: A Love Story" by Jen Miller
"All the Light We Cannot See" by Anthony Doerr
"Insurgent" by Veronica Roth
"Me Before You" by JoJo Moyes
"The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo
"Sixty Meters to Anywhere" by Brendan Leonard
"The Girl on the Train" by Paula Hawkins
"Yes, My Accent is Real" by Kunal Nayyar
"The Girls from Corona del Mar" by Rufi Thorpe


What did you read in 2016?  What can you recommend to me to read next year?

#ParentoftheYear

The little one was in daycare one whole week before he caught his first cold.  I'm not really surprised as one day I picked him up and the boy playing next to him had snot just running out of his nose.  Anderson's cold was so bad that on Monday he stayed home from school and daycare.  When I came home from work he curled up in my lap and fell asleep (heart explosion!!).  Then he crawled in bed around 7:00 and went to sleep without any dinner.  The next day I noticed his sinuses were so backed up that it was leaking out of his eyes.  I know that can happen to kids so I thought nothing of it and took him to daycare.  Wednesday morning he woke up and his eyes were glued shut with goop.  Lovely.  It took a warm washcloth and some prying but we got them open.  He seemed to not be feeling as well as he did on Tuesday but nonetheless he went to school and daycare.  But I was getting concerned about his eyes.  When I picked him up from school to take him to daycare, his eyes were very goopy and he just looked bad.  While at work I searched the internet.  WebMD told me he was going to go blind and his eyes would fall out.  Everywhere else told me he probably had bacterial conjunctivitis.  I called the doctor and got him in right away.  And you know what?  Yep, he had conjunctivitis.  I had sent him to school and daycare for two days with a very contagious eye condition.  Lovely.  So, Thursday he stayed home, we started him on prescription eye drops and by Friday he was good as new.

#ParentoftheYear

The Long Awaited Job Update

Back in July I posted about going back to work.  Well, I have been working.  I mean, going back to work full time at a big girl job.  At the time I had been offered a promotion at the Y to become our swim lesson coordinator.  It was a job I really wanted and knew I could do a good job at, but the hours would suck as would the pay.  So I told my boss I still wanted to be considered but that I was keeping my options open.  I thought I would be finding a job quickly as I was contacted by my previous employer about a new position, had an interview, and then I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Finally I was told that the position was not going to be filled.

Foreshadowing: this would become a theme.

I decided to keep looking.  I sent out applications left and right.  I tweaked my resume.  My husband and I became experts at composing a cover letter.  About 95% of the time I couldn't get past the freakin' computer program that read my resume and immediately turned it down without it ever getting to the HR department.  Seriously, I got turned down for a job I was well qualified for within 12 hours.  I had a few interviews, one of which went amazingly well.  I was told at the interview that I would be coming back for a second interview.  I thought for sure that one was a lock.  Then two weeks later again I was told that they were not going to fill the position.  Disappointed.  Devastated.

And yet I kept looking.  In total I think I sent out over 25 applications.  I got turned down for all of them - except two.

I accidentally stumbled upon a position at a small company walking distance from my house.  I wasn't expecting a whole lot from it, but my interview went great and the very next day they gave me an offer.  I also got an interview at another company I had worked for before.

Although the second place probably would have been a better career choice, I took the offer from the small company.  Home, job, preschool, and daycare are all within two minutes of each other.  It's a good way for me to transition back into full time work and allow the little one to transition as well.  I start on Monday.  I'm nervous and I've cried a lot of tears about being a working mommy, but I'm pretty sure I've made the right choice.

Working moms, tell me I'm going to be alright.  Tell me my child is not going to be all screwed up because he's in daycare.  Tell me I've made the right choice.  Please!  I need some reassurance!

And Then Things Got Interesting

Of course. 

My manager texted me on Friday evening asking if he could call me.  This was the conversation I had been dreading - finding out if I got the job or not.  Honestly, I didn't want to answer the phone.  After a brief conversation I was offered the promotion.  I told him I would have to think about it, telling him I would let him know in the middle of next week.

Let's back up.

I mentioned in the previous post that I had applied for my old job, a job that I loved.  In addition to formally applying, I had gotten in touch with my previous lead (now manager) and when things didn't go anywhere with that conversation I even contacted my senior director (now vice president), someone who I know and trust and really like.  Friday afternoon she sent me an email letting me know someone would be in touch with me regarding a job within a certain department (not my previous job).  After some searching, The Husband and I figured out what job she was probably talking about.  A job I was well qualified for.  A big girl job.  A salaried job.  A responsible job.  I was/am excited. 

So when my manager offered me the job I had to tell him the truth.  I had to tell him that I had some other possibilities pending that I would need to let him know in a few days.  I didn't want to hurt his feelings or take him off guard.  He was very gracious and told me I needed to do what was best for my family.  I like him.  I hate that I may have to disappoint him.

There are a lot of thought rolling through my head right now.  I'd be crazy not to give the new job a chance.  It would be a great opportunity with a lot of options for advancement and a chance to shine.  But, I could also hate it and dread going to work and worry that I made the wrong choice of putting my child in daycare.  I also don't want to disappoint anyone.  Plus, I only have a few days to decide and technically, I don't have the other job yet.  I would be going into a decision blindly and hoping everything worked out.  Or I might just be unemployed. 

I hate decisions.  This makes me almost as miserable as not having any options.

The Real World

Let's get real.

I haven't had a whole lot to say on here as I'm been going through a really rough patch.  Life has been tough lately.  I haven't yet seen a silver lining.  Most days I'm just going through the motions.  I'm hoping there's an end to all of this soon.

This started a few months ago and has been building since then.  The Husband got his dream job late this winter and started at the end of April.  It's what he has been working his whole career for, and I'm super proud of him.  But it has also made everything a little more difficult.  First, he took a pay cut to take the job.  It's not that much, but all money makes a difference, ya know??  So the real kicker has been the time commitment.  He loved that this job would not require any extra hours or work from home or being on-call - all stuff he had to do at his previous job.  The commute, though, has basically wrapped all of those into one big chunk of time that has made my life miserable.  His previous job was literally right around the corner.  One mile.  He would ride his bike in the summertime.  He would leave after we got up in the morning and would be home ten minutes after he said he was leaving.  We would have lunch with him at least once a week.  It broke up a long day with the little one and helped me feel not so much like a stay-at-home mom but a co-parent.

The new job is downtown.  Sure, it's only like 16 miles and we don't have nearly the traffic as most major cities, but the commute seems to take up a large chunk of time.  He leave before the kiddo and I get up in the morning.  He does this so he can get out of work earlier, but even earlier his commute is still an hour to get home.  The Husband usually gets home about one minute before I leave for work.  Which means, I basically hand off our son and run out the door, only to return after 10:00pm without having said goodnight to Anderson or tucked him in or eaten a proper family dinner, etc.  I went from being a co-parent to feeling like a single parent without a spouse or a friend or anything to do.

In addition to the daily time commitment of our jobs and never seeing each other on the weekdays, I have worked every Saturday and Sunday this entire summer.  We recently bought a camper (more on that some other time) and every time we've gone camping I've had to leave to go to work or miss a day to stay back and go to work.  It sucks.  There has been zero family time this summer.  Plus, as I've noted before, we are doing renovations to our whole house which has come to a complete standstill because it's nearly impossible for one of us to do anything if the other isn't around to entertain the little one.

I mentioned that Dave had to take a pay cut for this job.  Again, no big deal, but for as many hours as I spend at my job and the responsibilities I have, I make next to nothing.  Seriously.  Most of my biweekly paychecks come back less than $300.  THREE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS!!!!  What the hell am I supposed to do with $300?!?  I can buy nothing.  No repairs for the house, no adventures for the family, nothing.  Plus, I can't even afford any childcare to be able to work more hours to be able to make more money.  And I'm not going to just keep him at Child Watch at the Y just to be able to pick up more hours.  I hate taking my child to work with me and I hate that all he does is play.  He's learning nothing; no one is loving on him; and there are germs galore.  Right now, I'm soooo sick of the Y.

Back in June I decided it was time to go back to work full time.  If I am making the right kind of money I don't have a problem getting a nanny or putting Anderson in daycare so that we could spend more time together as a family and give us the money to be able to do things like renovations on our house, camp together, and other adventures.  To date I have applied for eight jobs.  Two of which I have worked before, one being my previous job which I loved.  Another of the jobs is actually a promotion at my current job.  I'm not thrilled about the idea but at least it's something.  It's been a solid six weeks since I began this search and apply process.  To date I've had two interviews for the promotion, been turned down for two jobs without even a call or an interview, and have heard absolutely nothing about the other five jobs.  This is including my previous job in which I have the same manager and senior director, both of whom I have contacted to help me out.  I am so frustrated, disappointed, and frankly, desperate.  Each day I wake up with hope that "today's the day" and by the afternoon I am beat down and worn out.  Why does this have to be so hard?  I have an engineering degree and worked professionally for years, for crying out loud, how am I not qualified for any jobs????

So there you have it.  My summer of depression in a nutshell.  I'm still training a ton - lots of running, lots of swimming, but everything else in my life just feels like I'm going through the motions.  Cross your fingers for us, say a little prayer, do a little dance, whatever.  We seriously need something to happen and for me, it can't come soon enough.

Analyzing rhythm. Shock advised. Clear!

I am a horrible blogger.  I used to write all the time about anything on this space and now it seems to be race reports and complaining about this, that, and the other.  In 2009 I wrote or posted a picture every single day.  I think it's time to get back to that.

Let's start at the beginning for those new readers (are there ANY readers out there???).

I began this blog to have a place to talk about my running.  I've run a gazillion marathons (really, 17) including Boston four times.  Then I got into triathlon, which I didn't love, yet signed up and tried to finish an Ironman.  It didn't go well and messed me up in the head for a long time.  Last year after a major injury, I raced in the aquathlon national championship and got myself a ticket to the world championships this year.  This year I have raced my heart out and have gotten back into the shape that led me to great things 7-10 years ago.  I should probably write about that more.  I mean, I WILL write about that more.

Let's see.  Other things.  I am a mom.  I've got a three year old boy who has the biggest heart and can drive me absolutely insane at the same time.  Motherhood has been the hardest thing I have ever EVER done.  Way harder than the Ironman.  Way harder than Boston.  Way harder than my engineering studies in college.  Many days I want to crawl under a rock and hope it crushes me, but I love that little man and all his awesomeness.  I'm not really sure what life was like before him.

So if I'm going to blog more, I need your help.  I need topics.  Do you want to know what I eat while working out?  Do you want to know my favorite stuff - shoes, socks, clothing, etc.? Do you want to see more pictures of my beautiful son?  Do you just want me to shut the eff up?  Please feel free to comment and let me know!

I'll be back here tomorrow, hopefully, with something interesting to say.

I'm Losing My Shizz

Y'all, I've had a rough couple of weeks.  Last week I said f-you to my running shoes and swimsuit and sat on my couch eating myself into a tizzy.  I told my coach I hated "fucking" multisport.  I worked a gazillion hours, ripped out all of my landscaping, and slept more hours than I care to admit.  I was a mess.

And yesterday I flipped my lid in public.

I have gotten my haircut by the same girl for more than 6 years.  She works at one of those uppity salons where everyone has to wear black, has made up names so no one has the same name as someone else, serves champagne or whatever, and charges and arm and a leg for a stupid haircut.  She doesn't really fit the mold there though.  I've never seen her wear a skirt or dress.  She's never pushed me to buy any products (and has even told me she hates that part of her job) or get my hair dyed for the sake of making more money or tried to sell me on any other services.  I like her.  She does a good job.  She always changes the price for me so I'm paying for just my haircut and no other up-charges.  I almost wish she didn't work there.  I wish I knew her real name so I could seek her out outside of the salon.

Anyway, yesterday I made an appointment to just get the back of my hair trimmed.  I'm still growing out the stupid pixie cut and the mullet grows daggone fast.  This was going to be a 5 minute haircut that was going to cost me all of $13.  I made the appointment as late as I could, 3:15, hoping that my mom would be able to watch Anderson.  Unfortunately, my mom wasn't going to be able to (should have checked with her first) and I had to take Anderson.

Here's the rub...this salon has a no child policy.  Yep, you read that right.  If you're child is under 10 and does not have an appointment, he/she must be attended to at all times. 

I took Anderson with me.  He had a monster truck in his hand and I had my iPad in mine.  They have free wifi there and it was my intent to have him watch Mighty Machines on Netflix ON MY LAP while she cut the back of my hair.  Therefore, he would not be unattended and I would be following their stupid policies.  We walked in and I tried to check in.  The stupid greeter was not happy to see my three year old and reminded me of the policy.  I quoted, verbatim, to her the policy and told her he would not be unattended.  She told me I'd have to talk to a manager.  That's when I lost my shizz.

I told her, "YOU'RE POLICY IS BULLSHIT!"  I told her she could pay for my child care and my haircut, that she was bullshit, and that I was leaving.  We went out to the car and I cried.  Cried and cried and cried.  Who treats you like that in front of a child?!  And my child, in all his lovingness, says "why won't they let us in there?"  God, that hurt.  I was livid.  I was angry.  I was mad at them.  I was mad at me and my stupidity and my inability to control my shizz. 

Today I'm still angry but a little embarrassed.  The thing is, I still need a haircut.  And I don't know what to do now.  I don't really want to go back there with my tail between my legs and give them and their stupid policies my business.  But, I don't know anyone who will cut my hair or who has hair like mine that can give me a recommendation. 

I think it's about time to talk to my therapist again.  I'm, obviously, a mess.