Physically, I'm coming along just fine. I'm getting my speed back. I'm enjoying running. Mentally, ironman has effed me up badly. Honestly, I'm scared to race. Not even race, just participate in a race. I am so scared of what might happen that I don't even want to try. Even this silly four mile race I was scared to do. I woke up this morning feeling ill and tried to talk my way out of it. Didn't work.
Dave and I were lined up next to the 32:00 pace group. Yes, this race had pace groups. Good grief. I didn't think I wanted to run this fast but I knew if you didn't line up a little faster, you were going to have to work your way through the crowds. Dad was lined up behind us around the 36:00 pace group. We started out and I started conservatively. I am not a big fan of shorter races (anything shorter than 10 miles) because it doesn't give me enough time to work into my pace. I'm a 'start-slow-finish-fast' kind of runner. Quickly I was being passed left and right. And soon by the 34:00 pace group. Wow! Really? I'm sucking this badly. That's when my stomach dropped, I felt terrible, and just wanted to quit. I'm so tired of this. But looking ahead I saw the 32:00 and 34:00 pace group were right next to each other so something wasn't right. I didn't see the 1 mile mark and therefore, didn't look at my watch so I had no idea how fast or how slow I was going.
As timed moved on, however, I started to get more comfortable and the pace was picking up. I arrived at the two mile mark, checked my watch and I was at 16:40ish. I was still behind the 34:00 pace group so something wasn't right. Obviously, they were pacing too quickly. I continued to gain speed and by the three mile mark I was right with the 34:00 pace group and my watch said 24:40ish - still ahead of a 34:00. I was still feeling great, the breathing was controlled, so I decided to pick up speed again. I got ahead of the 34:00 group and was gaining on the 32:00 pace group although I never caught them. Finally it was over in 32:12. So again, the 32:00 group was pacing fast too.
You know, an 8:03 pace is not where I want to be, but having had the mental struggles and the lack of speed training, I've had, I'll take the 8:03. This race was a victory of me. I'm proud of myself for overcoming my fear and racing the way I like to race. I really do not like the shorter races, but maybe doing more of them will help with my confidence and speed. Onward and upward...
Yes I am wearing capris (or as I like to call them, knickers). Leave me alone!!! :)
Update: My official time was 32:11 and wouldn't you know my dad finished one spot behind me at 32:12. Sandbagger! (Him, not me.)