Thursday, November 24, 2011

Flying Feather 4 Miler 2011

Physically, I'm coming along just fine. I'm getting my speed back. I'm enjoying running. Mentally, ironman has effed me up badly. Honestly, I'm scared to race. Not even race, just participate in a race. I am so scared of what might happen that I don't even want to try. Even this silly four mile race I was scared to do. I woke up this morning feeling ill and tried to talk my way out of it. Didn't work.

Dave and I were lined up next to the 32:00 pace group. Yes, this race had pace groups. Good grief. I didn't think I wanted to run this fast but I knew if you didn't line up a little faster, you were going to have to work your way through the crowds. Dad was lined up behind us around the 36:00 pace group. We started out and I started conservatively. I am not a big fan of shorter races (anything shorter than 10 miles) because it doesn't give me enough time to work into my pace. I'm a 'start-slow-finish-fast' kind of runner. Quickly I was being passed left and right. And soon by the 34:00 pace group. Wow! Really? I'm sucking this badly. That's when my stomach dropped, I felt terrible, and just wanted to quit. I'm so tired of this. But looking ahead I saw the 32:00 and 34:00 pace group were right next to each other so something wasn't right. I didn't see the 1 mile mark and therefore, didn't look at my watch so I had no idea how fast or how slow I was going.

As timed moved on, however, I started to get more comfortable and the pace was picking up. I arrived at the two mile mark, checked my watch and I was at 16:40ish. I was still behind the 34:00 pace group so something wasn't right. Obviously, they were pacing too quickly. I continued to gain speed and by the three mile mark I was right with the 34:00 pace group and my watch said 24:40ish - still ahead of a 34:00. I was still feeling great, the breathing was controlled, so I decided to pick up speed again. I got ahead of the 34:00 group and was gaining on the 32:00 pace group although I never caught them. Finally it was over in 32:12. So again, the 32:00 group was pacing fast too.

You know, an 8:03 pace is not where I want to be, but having had the mental struggles and the lack of speed training, I've had, I'll take the 8:03. This race was a victory of me. I'm proud of myself for overcoming my fear and racing the way I like to race. I really do not like the shorter races, but maybe doing more of them will help with my confidence and speed. Onward and upward...

Yes I am wearing capris (or as I like to call them, knickers). Leave me alone!!! :)

Update: My official time was 32:11 and wouldn't you know my dad finished one spot behind me at 32:12. Sandbagger! (Him, not me.)


Colleen said...

Congrats Meredith... and I like the knickers! :)

LittleRachet said...

As I scrolled down and saw the pic I yelled "she's wearing capris!!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Glad you had a good day and got through it. As you said, onward and upward!

Katie said...

short races hurt! they hurt a LOT, ouch! congrats on getting out there, girl!

Andrea Hill said...

The mental thing is pretty remarkable. I read your coach's Ironman report and it's just so interesting to me how calmly she mentions IVs, etc. That seems like scary stuff. Ultra race reports mention the hallucinations, the disorientation, etc. For a control freak like me, it scares me to think we are purposely putting ourselves in such a compromised state.

Wow, this is kinda a crappy comment to leave, sorry.

But I MEANT to communicate - but you are fine, and think of all the races you've done, all the thousands of miles you've swumbikedran and you've been gotten through it. Your confidence will come back, I know it.

But - if it doesn't, maybe there is that opportunity to ask yourself why you're doing all this. If it's not enjoyable, it's awfully expensive in terms of time AND money..