I've been thinking back on my days as a youth athlete and as a student. And I figured out, I've never done very well under pressure. I was always good at homework, but cracked when it was time for a test. My final couple of quarters in college was a nightmare. I had a final project that was not going well and if I failed, there would be no graduation. I didn't eat for, like, a month. I itched all over from the inside out, yet there was nothing medically wrong with me.
I don't handle pressure very well.
In the last couple of years with the growth of social media, my presence online has grown too. This blog became something my family checked in on to having many, many followers and many, many lurkers. I've got a bajillion friends on Facebook, all of whom I "know" and then another bajillion followers on Twitter, most of whom I have no idea who they are. Throw into that being on a competitive team with sponsors and my anxiety level is through the roof. I feel like I have to be on all the time.
I can't take that kind of pressure.
So I've needed to change some things. 2011 is about finishing what I started. Let me repeat that: Finishing what I started. I'm not doing any races because my team, my sponsors, my coach, my husband, etc. want me to. This is all for me. I have tweaked my racing schedule but the only people who know that are me, my coach, and Dave. My 2011 schedule has been taken down from this blog. And I'm not going to talk about upcoming races on Facebook or Twitter. The only time I will talk about a race will be after it happens. I want to feel a little more anonymous when I show up for a race.
I want to love racing again. I want to have fun with my racing. I want to feel like I'm racing for me. I want to finish what I started.