Thursday, June 17, 2010

Thursday Thoughts

Every Thursday in the month of June, I have been spending my afternoons with my grandma taking her to her hair appointments and then usually having a late lunch or snack with her. This week while eating ice cream (her favorite) we were having a conversation about marriage. She was talking about her hairdresser and how her son was 21 and still not married. I smiled and said, "Grandma, that's really young to get married." She said she was married at 16 and I told her that that was a long time ago. I said I was married at 24 and that's still really young to be getting married. I told her that I was going to a wedding this weekend for a friend who was 29 and her fiance in his 30s and that was pretty normal ages now to be getting married.

Every week I come home from weddings and think how I would do things differently. I'm not saying, would I still marry Dave. Duh! He's a keeper! Would I get married at 24 again? Would I wait until I was older and knew what I was getting into?

So, what age did you get married? What age would you like to be married by? What is the ideal age to get married?


jessithompson said...

Wow. Very interesting post. I have thought about this many times and feel that in retrospect I got married WAY too young (19). I had NO CLUE what I was committing to. The question remains for me, do you ever *really* know until you're actually living it?

One of the advantages of getting married young (which I didn't realize at the time) was that neither of us were set in our ways or really had our own routines set, so there wasn't lots of conflict or having to compromise about much in that area. We really grew up together and made "our" routines.

The disadvantage is that sometimes bad habits are established unintentionally sometimes due to lack of experience and maturity. These habits can be hard to break later on in the relationship.

The thought of my daughter marrying at the same age I did gives me a stomachache.

I think there is so much to gain by taking your time and really getting to know the person and more importantly yourself, before making a lifelong commitment.

Good thinkin' post. Well done.

Melissa C said...

I got married when I was 25, which was (at the time) the average age of women getting married. My only wish was that I had known Ryan earlier in my life, like we had met in college instead of after, so that I could have shared more experiences with him. We had a very short engagement, and I feel like it was a situation of love at first sight working out. We have been married for 7 years now.

TRI TO BE FUNNY-Carrie Barrett said...

I was 34 when I get married and my hubby was 41...It was a first marriage for both of us! I'm so glad I didn't marry "the one" (or the person I thought who was "the one") in my 20s. I have changed sooo much and am so glad I waited until I was more stable with my own life and career. It's easier to feel comfortable and stable with someone when you enter the marriage feeling comfortable and stable with yourself.

Michelle said...

I was 27 and Brian was 22, and we will be married for 9 years in August. (I didn't have anything against getting married earlier, I just hadn't met the right person yet! We only dated 8 months before we were engaged; 1 year and 1 week before we were married!) In general, I think it depends on the couple and the individuals, but I don't think getting married younger (in your 20s) is a bad thing, as long as you realize it is hard work and a committment. (I agree with Jessi, that you never know exactly what you're getting into until you're actually living it)

ADC said...

Hey I was also 24. At the time of course I thought it was a great age to get married at and of course I wouldn't change a thing. But when I was 26 my best friend who was 25 at the time was getting married and I remember thinking "Gosh, they are too young".

Colleen said...

First, I love that you are spending time with your grandma! :) Cherish the memories that you are making with her!!!

I got married when I was 25. Tom was 29. I wouldn't change it. I was at a point in life where I was ready. Any earlier than that and I still had some learning about life to do! :) I don't know that there's a right time to get married... but I knew it was right for me! :)

Sara Cox Landolt said...

What a cool way to spend afternoons with your Grandma!

We were 23. We got engaged the prior year on my 22nd birthday which was also the morning of my first sprint triathlon, his second. We've raced that location a few times to celebrate. It'll be 14 years this fall. Wow.

Stef said...


Perfect age for me to get married. Well established career (which I left later but that's a whole different story)

Would not change a thing! Noone I had dated before even came close to Glenn. He was 37.

First (and only) marriage for me, second for him.

To me anyone in their 20s getting married seems "too young" but aside from that being an overly general blanket statement comes from my own perspective which is mid 30s is a great age to get married!

Laura Wheatley said...

Dan and I were both 25 :) We had been dating for 3 years when we got engaged, and had a 2 year engagement. We lived together for 1.5 years before we got married - GREAT decision. We learned A LOT about each other and how to compromise!

I like to look at what "stage of life" couples are in when they get married - I feel like that's a big factor in determining whether or not they are ready for it!

Should couples get married when they still depend on their parents for rent/insurance/school/housing/etc? Nowadays, most people aren't "on their own" until they are ~25 years old... this was a major factor for us. For Meredith's grandma, maybe high school/college wasn't a factor and she was "on her own" at 16. Maybe someone is med school wouldn't be off the "mom and dad hook" until 30 yrs!

How long should dating/engagements last? As long as it takes to get through not only some really awesome times, but some really terrible ones as well. The couple also needs to know how to get through these tough times and keep the relationship strong. Dan and I have gotten SO PISSED at each other, but not being together was never an option. It was more like "How the &%*$ are we going to fix this??" :) And we learned how to fix a lot! For us, 5 years worked. For some couples, they might be in for a rollercoaster right at the get-go and are ready to commit to eachother forever in less than a year!

I also have an aunt who has been with my "uncle" for more than 10 years - they are about 75 years old (very young though!!). They choose NOT to marry, simply because they have children and grandchildren from previous marriages, and if something should happen to either of them, they want their respective families to inherit their belongings, no questions asked.

Interesting stuff! Thanks for the post!
Thanks for the post!