Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Self

My teammate Sonja raced herself right into Kona with a 4th place age group finish at Ironman Couer d'Alene this past weekend. I am so excited for her!

But it got me thinking, no matter how hard I work EVER, I will never qualify for Kona. See, I always knew that I was going to be a marathoner. Halfway through the training for my very first marathon, I knew I would qualify and run Boston some day. And I did. I just don't have that confidence with triathlon. I was having a, well, let's call it a discussion with Dave the other day and I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs. Mind you, this was all happening while stopped at a light while we were bike riding. Anyway, I was screaming at the top of my lungs that I felt like this was my one and only chance at the Iron-distance. I didn't want to "just finish" this race. I needed to have a race of a lifetime NOW. I have to get this right the first time because there is nothing, NOTHING, on the schedule after this race. I don't know what's going to happen after August 29th. I feel like I have placed all my self worth and all my self confidence all in this one race. What if I fail? What if I'm not happy with my performance? What if "just finishing" is all I achieve?

I'm eight weeks away from taking on a task bigger than I could have ever imagined. The reality is REAL. The consequences of all my actions and decisions is astronomical. I just don't know if I'm ready...

3 comments:

Colleen said...

I guess you need to ask yourself what being an Ironman is all about for you. Will you be disappointed if you don't finish in XX:XX:XX? Will you be sad if you aren't in Xth place?

I think you'll understand the power of the Ironman once you're in it. The accomplishment of being in such a minority that can say they've completed an Ironman is amazing.

I hope that whatever your end result is, you are happy with the journey that got you there and the accomplishment that you've achieved!

Andrea said...

I think this is totally normal Ironman-in-training behavior.

BUT don't put so much pressure on yourself! Well, you should push yourself to your limits ... but maybe you need to identify what those limits are, ya know? That way, you will have a way to measure your joy or disappointment.

Whatever. YOU ARE GOING TO ROCK THIS THING (and I'm not just saying that).

goSonja said...

Attitudes like that, mind you, while being smart along the way with it, is what gets girls to Kona. You have a great run my dear, and you are talented. If you put everything you possessed into it, you could get to Kona. It's just that most people don't want to give up so much. Which is completely A-OK. But yes, you have the talent to get to Kona.