Yesterday I was set to tri again at Rev3 Cedar Point. I didn't do it.
With my disappointment in Louisville I was looking to redeem myself and quickly. Cedar Point was a natural choice as I was already going to be there, I knew people who knew people and was able to get myself in as a late entry, financially it made sense, and most importantly, Dave and my family were okay with it. I signed up and retapered. I didn't really tell anyone about it until right before the race when I started leaking things on Facebook and immediately people knew what I was doing. The game was on.
Physically I felt fine; mentally, I was a mess. Since the race I keep having visions of what happened at mile 16 of my Ironman. It really scared me and I didn't know if I was ready to try again so quickly. The night before the race I tossed and turned all night long and came to the conclusion: it's not worth it. So when we woke up Sunday morning I told Dave my decision. He was not happy. He convinced me to put on my race uniform, grab all my stuff, and head down to transition. I fought kicking and screaming the whole way. Finally in the parking lot, I made my final decision. I WAS NOT DOING THE RACE!
I felt good about my decision. I felt bad about my decision. I felt good about my decision. And now I'm back to feeling bad about my decision.
So what happens now? Honestly, I don't know. I know I'm burnt out on triathlon for the season. No I am not going to be signing up for Great Floridian or Beach to Battleship. My season of triathlon is over. I am hoping to do some more running, hopefully doing some running races since I missed a whole summer of road races. Will I come back to triathlon next summer? I'm not sure. Louisville was supposed to be my one shot at Ironman. I was looking forward to moving on with my life after that race. I would have finished what I came to accomplish: marathons, Boston, Ironman.....LIFE. I want to progress my business. I'd even venture to say I've thought about starting a family (Mom, Pat if you're reading this, don't get your hopes up). But now I still feel like I have unfinished business; unfinished business that I should be able to finish.
I don't know what's going to happen with becoming Iron. Tomorrow, I'm going to leave my Garmin and heart rate monitor at home, strap on my running shoes, and just run.