Right now I kind of feel like a speck of dust just floating in space. I'm unmotivated, I'm unhappy, and I'm lost. For 11 years I've out together my goals and set out a plan and now I've got nothing. I don't know what to do with myself. I so badly want to pick out some races and look toward 2012 but I can't and I shouldn't.
Like everyone else yesterday, I watched the NBC broadcast of the Ironman world championships. For the first time in a long time it did nothing for me. I didn't cry. I wasn't motivated. In fact, I was a little bit bored by it and if anything, angered by it. I'm so sick of watching it and everyone else around me and making it look so easy. I'm so effing sick of the ironman! And yet this morning I said in my head, "give it one more year. Give it another try".
I'm not going to. I'm not ready. If I tried again now it would be for all the wrong reasons and would probably end with the same results because I'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons. But I need a plan of some kind, even if it's small. Right now I'm just a speck of dust floating in space.