Wednesday, April 11, 2012

What Lies Beneath

The other day I went underwear shopping.  Let me clarify what that actually means.  That means I went to Meijer (like a Target but cheaper-for those who don't have one) and picked up a 6 pack of Hanes underwear.  With my tiny hiney, the smallest size I can get is a 5, which translates to a small.  I picked up bikinis which are cut to be tiny but not ride up the butt.

Got the picture yet.

Okay, so I picked up my 6 pack, checked out, went home, and opened the package.  To my surprise, they looked a little bit like this:


So the next day I headed back to Meijer to try again.  This time I perused the children's department while Dave kept the look out for Chris Hansen and Dateline's "To Catch a Predator."  From the back off the box, I deduced that my size would be a children's 16: 27" inch waist, 108-117 pounds.  I bought this paid, went out to the car, opened the box and got this:

Holy big underwear, Batman!  What child can fit into those?

I packaged those bad boys back up and marched myself back into Meijer to try one last time.  Dave was so embarrassed.  This time I started opening those damn packets and holding them up to myself.  Finally, I found ones that look like they fit.  A freakin' size 12 in kids.  Tiny buns!  But I've got to tell you...I love them.  They fit so well and no wedgies!  I am going back today to buy some more as long as Chris Hensen doesn't have me arrested...


TriMOEngr said...

I remember having that problem when I was in jr high and early high school (nothing like being 5'7.5" and weighing 95 lbs soaking wet). But then college, marriage, kids and everything - needless to say, I know solidly buy adult underwear (though I no longer have to do it in the plus size section). Cute panties though!

Jamie said...

Just do more squats until the gigantic ones fit. Haha.

Susan DeBruin said...

I don't really think of myself as that tiny and I still have to shop in the kids sections when I go to stores like Target, Walmart, and so on - all their clothes are cut for the mostly larger American population.

Kat said...

Found you via Mile-Post. That is hilarious! I got a pair of underpants that looked like that as a joke when I got married. I say underpants because there is nothing fancy in that picture.

Melissa C said...

YOu are too funny! At least I finally get what the f/b posts have been about lately! If it makes you feel better, Keira, who is 6, still wears the 2T/3T gymboree underwear. I probably could get some from there too, now that you show them.

I usually just wait until the VS semi annual sale and just buy whatever is least expensive, regardless of color. I have all these earthy tones, like brown, orange, and green, as well as some horrible stripes. Ryan hates them, but I hate paying full price!

BTW, just got a kids speedo from costco for 12.99! SCORE!