Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I know it's not contagious....

You know when you go to the doctor's office and it seems that every one in the waiting area has the flu and they're sneezing and coughing and snotting and of course, you're only there to see the doctor about something that does not involve being sick? You sit in the waiting area hoping they'll call you back quickly so you don't catch whatever everyone else has?

Today I had my annual. You know what I'm talking about ladies....the most hellacious 15 minutes of every year. The waiting room was packed with women and ALL of them were pregnant. For an hour, AN HOUR!, I sat there with the walls closing in on me and my lungs collapsing and just hoping that I would not catch what these other women had.

Finally I was called back (thank goodness) and all I kept thinking is let's get this over and quickly. Then, I got the pressure lecture. As I approach my 30th birthday, in two years mind you, I continually get this lecture from everybody I know. This is how it goes..."You know, you're almost 30 and it gets harder to pregnant after the age of 30 and I wouldn't want you to regret anything." But my doctor took it one step further. She said that we should be thinking about trying now. WHAT?! First of all, isn't it my decision? And secondly, isn't 30 like the new 20? Am I really that old?

A few weeks ago I was late, like several weeks late. And I FREAKED out! I went into the grocery store, approached THE aisle and looked around to see if anyone is watching me. Let me back up...I went to a grocery store in another town so it was less likely that I would know anyone there. Ha! I grabbed the pregnancy test, hid it under my arm, and approached the self-checkout. I quickly scanned that sucker, paid for the purchase, and stuffed it into my purse. I got home, peed on that stick, and waited shaking like a leaf. I was relieved when the test revealed I was very not pregnant. No denying that. A week later I still hadn't started my period and I started to get worried that I had done something wrong with the test or it was too early to have done the test in the first place. So, I took another one and was again relieved to have it come back negative. Obviously, this episode is a definite sign that I am SOOOOO not ready.

I don't need anyone to tell me I'm getting older. I realize that. I am not happy that 30 is knocking on my door. But, I don't feel almost 30 and I certainly don't look almost 30. And I don't understand why 30 is this magical number that determines my fertility. Right now, I'm not ready. I mean, scares the 'shiznit out of me', not ready. And no matter how many times people give me the pressure lecture, my mind is not going to change.

2 comments:

Michelle said...

don't know if you want any comments on this subject or not, but here are my 2 cents . . . .
first of all, everybody is different--we didn't start trying until I was 29, and we haven't had any problems conceiving either time, so who knows, and no, you're not old. You're right--people shouldn't be putting pressure on you and Dave as it is your decision, but, probably what is happening is that LOTS and LOTS of women have put off trying to get pregnant until they were older, and then they had a lot of problems. so, it probably comes from a lot of well-meaning people who don't want you to have the heartache that others have had. And, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think anyone's ever REALLY ready until it actually happens. I mean, I even freaked out a little bit this time around, and we had been trying again!! (I decided I was ready to try again, and then I was late, but had 3 or 4 negative tests in a row--each about a week apart, so I kind of had my mind set that it wasn't happening yet. Then I went for my "yearly" and they ran a test just in case, and what do you know, it was positive! I didn't tell Brian until after David was in bed that evening, even though the appt. was in the morning, and it was probably another couple of months before I really started feeling excited. Brian was excited right away.) Now that my due date is getting close, I'm getting a little nervous again! wow--didn't mean to leave such a long post, but hope it was at least a little encouraging!

Val said...

Michelle is right. Even when you're trying, you're still not ready ;) And then they turn three. And holy COW are you not ready. But enough about Care Bear...

I also agree that she was just well-meaning. It's not like you wake up & have no idea how old you are. She knows you know. But it's also the age of cover your own bum, so she probably doesn't want anyone coming in at 40 screaming at her about their lack of fertility.

You take very good care of yourself, your health, your body, etc. When you & Dave think you're ready, things will be fine. But it is wise not to take TOO long just in case you would need additional time to conceive. Don't "They" tell you that you really shouldn't even start fertility treatments until you've tried yourselves for an entire year? I imagine that'd be the longest and shortest year of your life if you were having a hard time getting pregnant.

There. That's about 50 cents worth. Hehe! Don't stress about it. Just be aware that time only goes one way. =)