I haven't signed up for the marathon yet.
Okay, first of all, I'm dumb. I thought I needed to sign up by the 2nd before the price went up. What I didn't read very closely is that it was April 2nd, not May 2nd. Dummy! The price is what it is. But, the full marathon is at 75% full so I do need to be making a decision soon.
So what's the problem?
Well, I'm insane in the membrane. Insane in the brain. I haven't done a full marathon since 2009, which was Boston where I scored the perfect race and the Nike Women's Marathon where I just fell apart. Since that time, I've struggled to get my junk together in the big races including two failed ironmans and the National Marathon which I bailed and just did the half. I used to be able to block everything out, to almost have amnesia when it came to racing. I was always hell-bent on doing better and better and better. But there was something magical about Boston 2009 that I sort of doubt I will ever be able to replicate and therefore I think I give up too easily. I'm running scared.
I also feel like I need to do this marathon to get the freakin' monkey off my back. To know that I've still got it. To know that the marathon is still a great race for me.
However, and here's the runner snob in me, I don't want to do it if I can't turn out a big time, a Boston qualifying time, a new PR. Look I've run many marathons and I've run Boston several times. I don't need to do a marathon to do a marathon. And this race is BORING, certainly not one I would do for the experience. It's not even in a different state, so it's not like I'm checking anything new off my list.
I don't know; I'm really torn. On one hand, it's only a fraction of the money I've spent on ironman races that I never finished so I could totally eat this money if I decide I don't want to do it after signing up. But on the other hand, I cringe at spending the money and not doing it. I'm repulsed at the thought of training for a marathon even though it's not much more training than I'm doing right now for a half. I'm just gonna keep my eye on the website and make a decision when I NEED to make a decision.