Friday, February 20, 2015

#BeBetter - Lent 2015

A few years ago when I was dealing with debilitating depression my therapist said I needed to fix my chemical imbalance before he could help me with my behavioral issues.  At the end of my pregnancy I went on Prozac and finally, finally started to feel like a human being.  Two years later I am still medicated and NEVER plan on going off the meds.  NEVER!  But there are certainly behaviors and activities in my life that still need corrected to help me be better.  I don't plan on going back to therapy; it's not something I enjoy.  But I am dedicating this Lenten season to being better - a better mom, a better wife, a better athlete.

The medicine has helped me feel real.  It has kept me from sitting in the bathtub crying.  I has helped me get out of bed every morning.  But, I still need work in the 'patience department' and that has become even more evident as my kiddo has reached his toddler years.  Some days I feel like it's an all-out war between Anderson and me.  Other days are great.  No matter what kind of day we're having, I never feel like I am being a good enough mom.  I'm sure that's true with all moms.  I want to try harder, though.  I want to find ways to connect with him and build him up.  I want to know that becoming a mom was the right choice.  I can be a better mom.

I never really wanted to be anyone's 'wife'.  Luckily, I married a guy who supports my independence, my decisions, my intellect, and my athletics.  Now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, though, I feel like a lot of the 'wifely duties' fall to me - childcare, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc.  I've got to be honest, though, I don't love those things.  I grew up in a household of equality.  My dad was every bit involved in those things as my mom was.  So, when I feel like it's all my duties, I get a little pissed off.  And I hate to be that chick who is angry as soon as her husband walks in the door.  He gets to be the hero while I'm his frickin' maid.  Ain't gonna happen!  I need to be, again, more patient and encouraging.  I can be a better wife.

I was looking back at my training log from last February as I turned the calendar this year.  Holy wow!  I think I did less training than I did when I was pregnant.  And I was paying a coach to train me!!  Last year, I think, I expected to magically return to the runner I once was.  You know what?  It didn't happen.  This year I have dedicated myself to my goals.  I have begun to be a better athlete starting in December.  I have done nearly ALL my workouts since then.  I do them as assigned, in order (mostly), and without complaint.  I have found ways to get the family involved or found ways to keep the workouts from taking away from family time.  I will be a better athlete in 2015.

What ways can you #BeBetter?
What are your thoughts on this Lenten season?

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