Monday, May 04, 2009

Sponge Bob Square Mer

I made an awful mistake today.  While waiting on Dave to get off work, we shared a ride today, I went to Macy's and shopped for swimsuits.  Duh, duh, duh!!!  I found this cute yellow polka dotted bikini (seriously) and tried it on.  And this began the downward spiral to hell.  It looked hideous.  I have never liked myself in a bikini.  I think I look square and today I looked square and pale.

Then I went over to Victoria Secret and OH MY GAWD it was a traumatic experience.  I thought, maybe a sexy one piece?  A sexy one piece that covers NOTHING!  Then I went to Nordstrom.  Nothing.  Then I went to J. Crew.  Nothing.  Then I went to Old Navy.  Nothing.  Then I went to Target.  Nothing.  Then I went online.  NOTHING!!!

Why is this a big deal?  I'm in a wedding this summer and the wedding is on the beach in Laguna.  And among the chicks in the wedding party, I'm kinda the ugly duckling.  Okay maybe not the ugly duckling, but the most athletic duckling and I have a feeling that this destination wedding will include a lot of time on the beach.  And these chicks can pull off a bikini and I can't.  I was just going to get a competitive 2-piece swimsuit, but then I will ALWAYS be the athletic one and I just wanted to break that mold, but....

I look terrible in a bikini, all the one pieces I find are matronly or cover too much up (or maybe not enough, Victoria's Secret!), and I can't find a tankini that only comes to my lower ribs instead of all the way to the bottoms.  Here's the thing, I like my butt and think it looks pretty good in tiny bikini bottoms (he he he!), but everything between my hip bones and my neck I'm not such a fan of.  I need shopping help.  Please internet, I need some suggestions!!!

5 comments:

Michelle said...

I actually had pretty good luck at Target last year, but it sounds like you've already been there . . . . I have a one-piece I got a few years back that I think is fairly flattering and not too matronly. The brand is "Anne Cole"--I think I got it from someplace like TJ Maxx or Marshall's, but I don't remember for sure. Sorry--I guess I'm really not much help. good luck!

E.L.F. said...

Hilarious - I was also going to suggest TARGET!!! Even I found one that fit there. Good luck.

unathleticrunner said...

bikini shopping always a drag. I don't think anyone thinks they look too great in a swimsuit. It squeezes you in wierd places...I feel your pain. I have tried a swim boutique? I can't think of names of them but, they seem to have a wide variety. Goodluck. remember you're not alone :)

Val said...

Did you mention Eddie Bauer or Land's End? I think of those guys lets you buy tops/ bottoms separately from their catalog... you never know!

jeff said...

laguna?!?