The Meltdown

Today was just a rough day.  Dave and I got up early to go running with the group and it was raining, dark, and yucky - typical December day in Ohio.  I had hoped to have a pretty good run, but alas it was not meant to be.  I've grown A LOT in the last couple of weeks and the third trimester is looming in a mere three weeks.  I have to be honest with myself, my running days might be numbered until after baby is born.  I'm doing my best, but it's just not easy.  I was already feeling down about myself when Dave told me on the way home from the run that he and the group had been cussed at by a bunch of bikers on the trail for just BEING on the trail.  Let me tell you something about the Olentangy Trail.  It might say bikeway, but (a) the max speed is 14 mph and (b) on a Saturday morning there are about 1000 runners out there.  Those runners had big balls to say something.  I would have knocked them on their asses.

Anyway, I was in quite a mood when I got home from the run.

I like to keep my weekends good and lazy.  Meaning, pajamas pretty much from the time I get home on Friday after work until Monday morning when I'm ready to go to work again.  I sleep most hours of the weekend.  Lazy?  You betcha.  I only have a few more months of selfishness and I'm taking every advantage of it.  So, after my post-run shower I put on my leggings, a t-shirt, and a sweater shirt with no intention of leaving the house.  But, my dad had mentioned a few Christmas presents for my mom during the run so Dave and I decided to do a little shopping.  Crap, what was I going to wear.

Preface....I kind of have strict guidelines for what is acceptable clothing outside the house.  Leggings, workout clothing, sweatpants, are not acceptable.

As I've mentioned before I am struggling with my self image during this pregnancy.  Couple that with my severe disdain of maternity clothes and we were in for a total meltdown.  I really hate my maternity jeans, both pairs.  They are the full panel kind, which I roll down to fit bellow the belly.  But, because only my belly is growing (or so I thought) I have a hard time keeping the pants up.  They continually slide down as I walk taking my undies with them.  I look like a stupid teenage boy constantly tugging at my jeans.  So, I put on my jeggings, but they're basically glorified leggings and that goes against my rules for leaving the house acceptably; I just couldn't do it.  Then I decided I would just put on my jeans I wore pre-pregnancy and just use a rubber band to keep them "buttoned."  As I was laying on the floor to put them on (this is now how I have to dress myself as it's gotten too hard to keep my balance and be able to breathe to put on pants, socks, shoes), I couldn't get them passed my thighs.  What the hell was going on?  Wait a second.  I'm gaining weight everywhere?  How the hell am I going to go back to being the size I was?!?  Finally, I just stayed, on the floor, with my jeans halfway up, crying for help.

Dave, that little buzz wad, came in and grabbed my TriSlide.  Laughing, crying, peeing (the realities of being pregnant).  I was definitely in a foul mood now.

Finally I put on those damn maternity jeans and headed out.  Dave drove me straight to Destination Maternity where, of course, the first pair of jeans I see are $180.  No effing way am I spending that much money on a pair of jeans I'm only going to wear a few more months.  We hit the sale racks and Dave starts grabbing jeans left and right.  They were all full panel and I kept saying no, no, no.  I hit another sale rack and grab two more jeans that were not full panel.  The first pair I tried on were about 1000% better than the two pairs I already had.  They were a little tighter, no full panel, and seemed to fit really well.  Dave asked me the obvious questions.  Would they be able to grow with me that last couple of months?  I didn't care.  They were $20 and they fit.  Sold.

Things were finally looking up for the day.

I wore those jeans later this evening.  And, they're alright.  They definitely fit better, however the rise on them (crotch) is unbelievably long.  I guess that makes since in a maternity jean, but for me it just makes things droopy in that area.  I don't tug at them as much, but they're still not great.  The reality is, (a) pregnant bodies are just weird and clothiers don't really care and (b) I only have a few more months of this. Suck it up.

I always thought I'd want to be pregnant in the winter because it would be easier - not being miserable in the nasty, hot, humid summer weather and I could just wear sweats all the time.  However, (a) since the day I got pregnant I have been freezing and (b) it would be great if I could just wear summer dresses and not worry about pants fitting or not.

How many more weeks are left?