Thursday, November 01, 2012

18 Weeks


I posted this photo on Facebook this week.  After I made a remark about how I was looking more fat than pregnant, I got a comment saying something to the effect of...'You're growing a baby.  You only have a few months of this joyous time.  Enjoy it.'  Yada yada yada, blah blah blah.  Obviously, this is an acquaintance of mine and not a real friend and does not know me at all.  I would never say such B.S.  


Progression of my growing bump over the last six weeks.

I went to the doctor today and weighed in 10 pounds heavier than when I started all this.  Really, this should be no big deal, but it freaks me out knowing I've got 22 weeks to go.  I have been self conscious about my size, not necessarily my weight, for as long as I can remember.   I'm only 5'1" so every pound counts and shows.  I should be happy that I'm not bigger than I am at this point in my pregnancy, but I also don't think I'm looking very "pregnancy cute."  Unlike others I know, I'm not growing from my ribs.  Instead I'm growing from my pooch, something I'm super-self conscious of anyway.  I suppose I'm not growing from my ribs because I've actually got core muscles and they're still holding everything in.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  :)  But because it's just my pooch area, I thinking I'm just looking fat.  I've not had anyone I don't know ask me when my due date is.  I guess that's being polite, but it's certainly not making me feel any better about my size.

Gosh, I'm going to sound so insensitive here....to me, this pregnancy is a necessary evil to having a baby.  I've always thought I would want a baby; I just didn't want to be pregnant.  I'm missing my former life....clothes that fit, running, having energy, etc.  I shouldn't complain.  I'm having the easiest pregnancy.  But I don't know what happens when all of this is over, body wise.  I know I should be easily able to lose the weight.  Or at least that's what people tell me.  That's not as obvious to me.  I like junk food.  I live on junk food.  I'm a lazy b!  I'm not looking forward to counting calories again.  I don't particularly like core work or lifting weights.  I just want a magic ball to look into the future and see what's going to happen next summer.

I'm having a rough body image week.  I know I may be just talking crazy, but I'm allowed to feel this way.  I'm sure next week may be a different story.

5 comments:

Dagmar Merlino said...

I have not been pregnant so far, but I would probably feel the same way. There are women who love being pregnant, but it probably would not feel that way for me.
In any case, you look great - and congratulations!

Melissa C said...

I hated being pregnant too. Every second of it. With Keira, I gained a TON of weight because I looked at it as an excuse to eat more junk food, which I love too. With Soren I was more careful, and I had Keira to chase around which was harder. I totally know how you are feeling, and felt horrible about how much I hated it, since I was having an easy pregnancy, and friends of mine were not, being stuck on bedrest and stuff like that. I even wished (for like a day) that I was having twins so that I could have 3 kids total, but only be pregnant 2x. Pretty sure we are done. I don't want to be pregnant again, and our kids are finally old enough that I can have more time to myself. I don't want to start over with the newborn phase again, although the toddler stage is pretty hard too. Soren can finally be reasoned with.

Melissa C said...

Oh, and don't you hate it when people tell you "you don't look pregant at all" when like you said, you have gained 10 lbs. I always felt like that was a slap in the face and was always tempted to say back, "oh, you think I always look this fat?" I know they mean well, but WHY can't people just say, wow, you look fabulous" instead of you don't look pregnant. Usually I told them how many pounds I had gained already after thanking them.

Megan said...

Yeah, ditto on the necessary evil. I didn't like being pregnant either (and I am DREADING it for #2), though I had brief moments of "holy cow there is a person forming inside of me and isn't that the most insane thing ever." But most of the time I felt like shit. And fat. Which I got.

And the fact of the matter is that, with the exception of some freaks of nature, we all gain something. But you have both your fitness and your knoweldge about health in your corner. You're being thoughtful about it, but surely giving your body and baby what it needs. Your watching it now, so you don't have major work after - and that's good. I know that doesn't help especially on those "holy cow my thighs are rubbing together" days, but trust me, it will benefit you on the other side of this.

..:danielle:.. said...

im right there with ya, just a few weeks behind... feeling the same way. i pretty much look exactly like you in your week 12 photo and im having a difficult time admitting that im "growing". i know what is growing though... had to get my bridesmaids dress taken out in the chest after it was altered. sigh.
luckily i havent been sick and like you ive been tired and wanting to eat EVERYTHING and never run or work out. which is not like me at all and i hate that. i dont mind being pregnant but i feel gross overall :/ my doctor told me "i want you to gain about 25-30 pounds"... to which i replied "by next month? no prob..."
right now im very thankful for sweatpants...
maybe we should move closer so we can motivate each other post baby!